I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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