Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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