just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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