Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
