Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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