No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
