maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
