i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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