office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
