i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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