when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
