this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
