But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
