so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
is that a dick in a sweater?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
