Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Text me some of your sweat
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