So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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