Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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