Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also, beer. Big fan.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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