We're facebook friends in real life
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
