I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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