I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
