i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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