i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
