im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
When are your genitals available?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
