he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she told me i tasted like america
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
