The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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