So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
