you have to choose: penises or morals?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
