The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There's always time for handjobs
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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