you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
