He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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