I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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