Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
