I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
