do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have aggressive nipples.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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