I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
