Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
