Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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