After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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