i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
