260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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