I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
