I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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