Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
