There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
