i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this boner is exhausting
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
