just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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