Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
