I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
