we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
