i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
