Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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