I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
