worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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